First comes love, then comes marriage, then come interior design clashes in a carriage
Few things can dial an end to the honeymoon period of a marriage as abruptly as attempting to decorate your new home together. Much like a needle being ripped off a vinyl, the love ballads suddenly peter out when you are faced with the impossible decision of marrying your playful take on graphic post-modernism with his penchant for austere neo-industrialism.
So, how do you blend your interior preferences into his to create a cohesive picture—rather than a junkyard jumble? We took our query to the best in the biz and here’s what we discovered.
On the surface, having different tastes and preferences needn’t be a dealbreaker. After all, you and your partner may not love the same movies and sports and your life together gets along just fine. So, why do interior design decisions hit a raw nerve?
For starters, design decisions can often devolve into a game of one-upmanship where rescinding the tiniest amount of ground can lead to unfounded concerns. Will allowing your partner to take the lead set the tone for the rest of your life together? Does being the first one to back down signal a lack of autonomy in the relationship?
While it is easy for a small squabble over the placement of the table napkins to devolve into a relationship crisis, it is equally easy to remind yourself of the reason behind your diverse approaches to design. A different manner of upbringing from yours might lead your partner to value different things from you—perhaps, moving houses often as a child has led them to scale back on possessions that can’t be packed in a hurry, leading to a penchant for minimalism as an adult.
Much like the yin and yang of your personality, you will want your space to reflect the diverse experiences that make both of you who you are as a person. The goal should be to step away from the mine-versus-yours landmine to create a space that feels cohesively “ours.”
Once you have made your peace with the reason behind your different approaches to interior design as a couple, you’ll want to consider what you can do about it instead. Likes and dislikes will rarely ever align seamlessly—but it is indeed possible to design a space that reflects your shared personalities without losing your mind.
Anjaleka Kripalani, interior architect and founder of Angie Homes, believes that the best place to start is to devise a combined vision for your space as a couple. “You must communicate and discuss your choices and preferences, styles, and mood board. This will help you reach a final decision and discover whether you are drawn towards minimalistic, modern or rustic designs,” she shares.
A marriage is about planning a lifetime of togetherness. And this means reaching an understanding of what you want this shared future to look like, according to Shahzeen Shivdasani, relationship expert and author of Love, Lust and Lemons. To ensure that the power is equally divided in the relationship, she suggests, “It helps to take turns in deciding certain things so that both partners feel like they have equal agency in the relationship. For some aspects that may be more important to one partner than the other, you can make a pact that they get the final say.”
The best part of having dramatically different tastes from your partner’s? You can mix and match elements from both to create a style that is unique to you as a couple. Kripalani agrees, “If one partner feels that the décor should exude modern minimalism and the other is attracted to vintage fancies, don’t fret. Both can be blended by adding key pieces from each of the themes. This will satisfy both the partners and create a unique space that reflects the personalities of both the partners.”
While it is easy to get swept up in the fantasy of being a couple, it is equally essential to ensure that you don’t lose your sense of self. When it comes to designing a space that feels true to you, it is essential to design your favourite corners of the house with your signature touch. Punam Kalra, creative director of I’m The Centre for Applied Arts, seconds the notion. “A home should reflect similarities and differences equally. The common areas can be a place where the shared memories can stand out—it can be anything as large as a photo wall or travel souvenirs clustered on side tables. The private zones can become a route for the couple to connect with their tastes,” she says.
Every single aspect of your interiors may not be tailor-made to your tastes—and it doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker. Instead of reaching a standoff over the colour of the wallpaper, it helps to train your focus on smaller finishing touches that can give you the autonomy you crave. Kripalani adds, “You can make your spaces reflect the personal styles of both partners by adding personal collectables, artworks and smaller accents. Without compromise, these small details can be added to satisfy the choices of both.”
Couples may have an independent past, but a shared future—which is why, Kalra recommends leaving room for growth and acquired tastes. “This can mimic something from your favourite television shows— like the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. door frame—or a showcase of your travel souvenirs. There’s an undiscovered journey of togetherness ahead which needs a wide open canvas to unfold,” she signs off.
Hasina Jeelani is a contributor to Manifest India.
